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Magnus Retail

from Courting My Muse by Mary Crowell

/

about

This is the very first fantasy song I ever wrote. (that I liked) It is an advertising
jingle for an alchemist -- an icky overcharging one created by my
husband for his Paladium campaign.

lyrics

Magnus Retail
© 2001 by Mary Crowell.

INTRODUCTION
Sometimes a wizard's bag of tricks
Needs a little help, a real quick fix.
If that's the case, you know what to do.
Call me, Magnus retail, for the spells that cast true.

CHORUS
Your spell won't cast?
I'll make another.
Glamour won't last?
Don't call your mother;
I'm the genuine article, an alchemist, and genius squared.

You need sigils and signs?
Pay me money.
Words to combine
That don't sound funny?

Thesaurus, procurer, businessman and genius squared.

VERSE
You say that you were walking along,
When you tripped and fell and broke your wand.
Don't throw away your ailing stick.
I'll fix it, paint it, polish it slick.

CHORUS
Scrying to do?
I can find it.
An enchantment or two?
I've refined it.
Clandestine, done with utmost discretion by a genius squared.

You want a carpet to fly?
I can deliver.
A mermaid's left eye?
Shipped down the river.
I specialize in merchandise of magic; I'm a genius squared.

VERSE
I've got amulets made of silver and gold;
Rings from queens a millenia old.
Wreak flaming death! Cause misery!
There's just a small nonnegotiable fee.

CHORUS
Life’s a little less grim
When it’s enchanted.
An impossible whim
Can be granted.
Cross my palm with lot's of gold, and it is SOLD by a genius squared.

There’s someone you fear.
Need a favor?
Should he disappear?
I’ll be you savior
As long as payment’s in advance as I demand, a genius squared.

VERSE
There's a witch whose looks are giving you trouble.
Sabatra's her name with a boil and bubble.
She's a cousin of mine, and I'm sure you can see
Why I double my fee when it's close family.

CHORUS
(Spoken: Sooooooooo, you tell me . . .)
Your spell won't cast?
I'll make another.
Glamour won't last?
Don't call your mother.
I'm the genuine article, an alchemist and genius squared.

So, come on down!
Magic wholesale!
Best deals in town!
Magnus Retail!
I'm the genuine article, an alchemist and genius squared!

credits

from Courting My Muse, released May 7, 2007
Music and Lyrics by Mary Crowell
Copyright 1997 by Mary Crowell
Mary Crowell: Vocal and Piano

license

all rights reserved

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about

Mary Crowell image

Mary Crowell Athens, Alabama

Mary Crowell is a singer/songwriter and piano teacher who loves mythology and playing Dungeons & Dragons.
Her Patreon is here: www.patreon.com/DrMaryCCrowell
She may be seen at science fiction and filk conventions performing and accompanying concerts on piano and occasionally clarinet.
Scattering Seeds on the Pomegranate Tour is her third solo album and is a mythic musical journey! ... more

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