Mary Crowell's Patreon: Year One

by Mary Crowell

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  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    'Mary Crowell's Patreon: Year One' is a collection of almost all Mary Crowell's Patreon projects from her first Patreon year (May 2015-May 2016).
    IMPORTANT JUNE PROMOTIONAL OFFER: Mary Crowell's patrons on Patreon each received a download code for 'Mary Crowell's Patreon: Year One'. If you pledge her Patreon page sometime during the month of June 2017, she will send you a free download code for this album. http://patreon.com/drmaryccrowell
    Also, if you pledged Mary's Scattering Seeds on the Pomegranate Tour Kickstarter in 2016 and received a flash drive then you already have everything in this album. So, please don't buy it unless you are just doing it to be supportive. (However, one new thing about this album is that the two 2015 convention concerts are broken up into individual song tracks.)
    Note: this album does not include a set of improvisations Mary made with Scott Snyder in January 2016 (because those are half Scott's) and it doesn't include her jazz cover of "Ain't No Rest for the Wicked" because that is a cover. (The cover song will be made available later through Loudr and CDBaby.)
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  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 5 Mary Crowell releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Mary Crowell's Patreon: Year One, Scattering Seeds on the Pomegranate Tour, Runner Five, Courting My Muse, and Acolytes of the Machine & Other Gaming Stories. , and , .

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about

This album is a collection of music Mary Crowell shared with her patrons on Patreon during the time period May 2015 to 2016. There are songs, instrumentals, improvisations, and live concerts.

credits

released June 3, 2017

Most of these were recorded by Mary Crowell in her home studio on Logic Pro 9. Two concerts: Marcon 2015 and Confluence 2015 were recorded live at those conventions by Mark Peters with the help of Em Ruggles and Roberta Slocumb.)

Amy McNally performed with Mary Crowell during the MARCON 2015 set, and Brooke Abbey performed with her on the Confluence set. W. Randy Hoffman made a cameo appearance as Roger Rabbit during Mary's last song on the Confluence set. Simon Crowell sings vocals on Zombies in June and Brooke's Construction Paper D&D.

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all rights reserved

about

Mary Crowell Athens, Alabama

Mary Crowell is a singer/songwriter and piano teacher who loves mythology and playing Dungeons & Dragons.
She may be seen at science fiction and filk conventions performing and accompanying concerts on piano and occasionally clarinet.
Scattering Seeds on the Pomegranate Tour is her third solo album and is a mythic musical journey!
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Track Name: MARCON 2015 1 Devil of Stories
© 2007 by Mary Crowell.
I’m going dancing with the Devil of Stories.
I’ve got a date with my destiny.
It may be tragic, but it never seems boring,
Brings out the worst and the best in me.

This is a story for the darkest ambitions.
It is a tale of vanity.
Two foolish lovers, and some hasty decisions,
A little sex, and insanity.

CHORUS
Take a look inside his journal;
Ballads, odes, and epigrams
Got me hooked. I’m his eternal –
An elegy and a slaughtered lamb.

He’s been a schemin’; he’s a demon of reason.
He’s misery, and I’m his biggest fan.
I keep on singing to the tunes that seem pleasin’,
‘Looks like I’ll dance though, at his command.

I’ve read the writing, and resisting is futile.
I’m going down in history.
We’ve hit the deadline, and the editing’s brutal.
Well, win or lose, it’s his victory.

CHORUS

I’m only crying ‘cause the story is ending.
The world I’ve known will be torn apart.
He’s smiling somewhere as realities bending.
The devil’s safe from a broken heart.
Repeat Verse I

[Footnote: Moxie won the duel with Mathias. But as it turned out that was the last requirement for his ascension to semi-divinity. In Wesley's Red Board Meta-campaign) Mathias is the Devil of Stories. His main domain is the cruelty of narrative.]
Track Name: MARCON 2015 2 Scattering Seeds on the Pomegranate Tour
Scattering Seeds
on the Pomegranate Tour
Copyright 2013 by Mary Crowell

Intro:
Mmm Mmm Peppermint Ladies
Mmm Mmm Peppermint Love!] X2

Verse:
Scattering seeds on the Pomegranate Tour
Niflheim, Hades will love us all for sure
Peppermint Ladies both wicked and demure
All of us dancing and singing our songs, Mmm Peppermint Ladies,
Mmm Mmm Peppermint Love!

Formerly known as Persephone Dear
Flowers won’t keep her, nor mother’s nagging tears.
Peppermint Ladies will buy her time and beers,
All of us dancing and singing our songs, Mmm Peppermint Ladies,
Mmm Mmm Peppermint Love!

Bridge 1:
Gala-te -a has got up and left (got up and left)
Tired of be -ing perfect.
Her Pyg-ma-lion his chisel in hand, Standing bereft.
She's signing all our concerts with ivory hands
On a pedestal, watch her show a tale, sit a spell.
Love, Love, Love, Peppermint.
Peppermint, Peppermint, Peppermint Love!

Verse:
Scattering seeds on the Pomegranate Tour
Muses and mythical entrepreneurs,
Peppermint Ladies, display haute couture
All of us dancing and singing our songs, Mmm Peppermint Ladies,
Mmm Mmm Peppermint Love!

Weaving our costumes Arachne has a loom.
Sweet Ariadne will lure you to your doom.
Peppermint Ladies have trashed their locker room
All of us dancing and singing our songs, Mmm Peppermint Ladies,
Mmm Mmm Peppermint Love!

Bridge 2:
Now Hel is other people on stage (people on stage)
Tired of be -ing normal
People want to go out with a sword, Killed in a rage
If only they could see there’s no victory,
Live it happily. Older people have mystery.
Love, Love, Love, Peppermint.
Peppermint, Peppermint, Peppermint Love!

Verse:
Echo runs sound on the Pomegranate Board,
Mistress of reverb, no longer ignored.
Peppermint Ladies she’s loved and adored
All of us dancing and singing our songs, Mmm Peppermint Ladies,
Mmm Mmm Peppermint Love!

Bridge 3: [Don’t sing. Play instrumental instead.]
Idunn’s come to travel with us (She caught a bus!)
Tired of ne -ver leaving.
Folks at home always keeping her safe, making a fuss.
Her apples are so sweet, and they keep us young.
Praises we have sung; slip a little tongue; she’s among
Love, Love, Love, Peppermint.
Peppermint, Peppermint, Peppermint Love!

Verse:
Scattering seeds on the Pomegranate Tour
Niflheim Hades will love us all for sure
Peppermint La-dies both wicked and demure
All of us dancing and singing our songs, Mmm Peppermint Ladies,
Mmm Mmm Peppermint Love!

Outro:
Mmm Mmm Peppermint Ladies
Mmm Mmm Peppermint Love!] X2
Track Name: MARCON 2015 3 Fairest of Them All
Fairest of the Them All
Copyright 2012 by Mary Crowell

You woke me up from a happy ever after.
“Wakey wakey to a true love’s kiss.”
My dreams full of red apples, love, and laughter.”
Why do prizes always end up this?

The rose is red, but the thorns they would protect me,
Their praises always go unsung.
Sleeping safe though outside the briars are bleeding
All alone, but I’m forever young.

Chorus:
Apples, jealousy, and sleep,
Roses, mirrors, and secrets deep.
When I dream, I dream and weep.
I dream I’m the Fairest of them all.

How ‘bout them? Yes, Honey. How about them apples?
Lose the race and then a lioness be.
Golden skin. See the beauty of reflection
Taste it sweetie, immortality.

Chorus

Bridge:
Happy Ever After? Happy Ever After? Then why am I so sad?
Happy Ever After? Happy Ever After? Dammit! Why am I so mad?

And Ev’ry girl is a gleaming, golden goddess.
Every goddess is a lovely mess.
Discord’s prize, Poor ol’ Paris picked the hottest.
Stole his Helen, Aphrodite bless.

Chorus X2

[Then]
I dream I’m the Fairest of them all.
Track Name: MARCON 2015 4 Pandora's Box
Pandora's Box
Copyright 2009 by Mary Crowell

I heard you sneaking up in dirty old socks
There's evil things inside that basket.
I'll need a safe -- I'll need a door that locks.
Keep your greedy little fingers off Pandora's box.
[Piano echoes last line.]

Chorus:
I'll put her treasure out of reach
Although you beg and bribe, beseech.
There's only one way I could teach
You not to open the box,
[Piano echoes previous line.]
And that's to let you
Which I will not do.
Keep your greedy little fingers off Pandora's box.
[Piano echoes last line.]

[Instrumental Interlude]

Verse
'Thought I should say, before you went too far,
There is a reason for that casket.
You say you met her in Olympus Bar?
Keep your sticky little fingers off Pandora's jar.

Chorus
Does songs of love and plays the flute,
She thinks your goatee looks so cute;
I know you wish I were a mute.
Please, friend, don't open the jar,
Your lovely houri's
Vengeful dowry.
Keep your sticky little fingers off Pandora's jar.

Verse
"Perhaps a quiz," you say, "A lover's test?"
"There is no need to blow a gasket."
I won't give up until I've been a pest.
Keep your roving little fingers off Pandora's chest.

Chorus
You asked her "Please?" and she said "Nope."
You disobey, we lose all hope.
Find some distracting way to cope.
No need for grabbing the chest.
I've mentioned nightly.
I've asked politely,
Keep your roving little fingers off Pandora's chest.

[Reprise First Verse]

Keep your sticky little fingers off Pandora's jar.
Keep your roving little fingers off Pandora's chest.
Keep your greedy little fingers off Pandora's box.
Track Name: MARCON 2015 5 Massacre Anne
Massacre Anne
© 2011 by Mary Crowell
We are riding ‘cross the desert
On a mammoth post-apocalyptic
For the path is most Vile,
And the visions kind of cryptic.
Sun isn’t set,
But it’s getting quite ecliptic
We’re stalking an angel in style.

We are fleeing ‘cross the desert
With a wicked lord of necromancy
Oh, his art is most vile
Making zombies for his fancy
Opened a door
Now his future’s kind of chancy
Darkness is spreading for miles.

CHORUS
I feel a cloud over me. Are those zombies I see?
And that priest, is he losing his soul?
Well, I’m Massacre Anne, and I do what I can
To bring the Master back living and whole.

Living whirlwind in the desert
The familiar to beloved master
Saw an Angel most vile
Slay the wizards, cause disaster.
Death from the air
Elemental and much faster
Revenge keeps him here for awhile.

BRIDGE
The Master’s been taken, and now I’m alone
His rings on my fingers, his Mark in my bones.

CHORUS

There’s a secret in the desert
He’s a priest of guile and elocution
But deception most vile
Caused his wrongful prosecution.
Events have conspired
To delay his execution;
He’s only beginning his trials.

Keep a paper in the desert
It’s a list of those who needed killing.
But that angel most vile
Made my missions less fulfilling,
Stolen my thrills.
For my Master I’m willing
To stalk this dark angel with style.

BRIDGE
Mammoth and mutants and we curs-ed four
Villains kill villains to settle the score

CHORUS

(Extra Chorus)
And there’s no more forgiving ‘tween the deadly and the living
And my sword is a Will of his own.
Well, I’m Massacre Anne, and I do what I can
To bring the Master back flesh, soul, and bone,
To bring the Master back living and whole,
To bring the Master back flesh, bone, and, soul.
Track Name: MARCON 2015 6 Runner Five
Runner Five
Copyright 2014 by Mary Crowell

Almost done with Season One, next mission on the list!
Nothing interrupts the run: on that I do insist.
I fiddle with my earbuds; check the laces on my shoe.
I need another gear to get my farm to level two.

For Abel I’ve been running—Abel Township, that’s the place.
Find supplies and get resources, ‘cause I’m building up my base.
My pace is getting faster as I run most ev’ry day,
Listening to the runners getting bitten, going gray. [Optional Last lineX2]

Chorus:
I’m Runner Five. I am staying alive,
So my town can survive.
I can run, so I run for my Abel.
Running and running for Abel Town.
Faster so zombies won’t chase me down
Running and running for Abel Town.

My helicopter crashed right outside of Abel Town.
A rocket launcher shot it—brought my transportation down.
And worse it fell a place where flights of zombies like to roam.
A zombie Runner Five named Alice chased me to my home.

I’m wearing her old number with her backpack on my back
Listening on the radio to Eugene and to Jack.
Apocalypse is recent. There are sports bras to be found,
Chipotle apps, and ammo lying thick upon the ground.

Chorus

I’ve cried with Doctor Myers, and I might be sweet on Sam.
That Runner Eight won’t trust me, but I do not give a damn.
I’m useful for the intel and supplies that I can bring.
As Runner Five I listen, but I never say a thing.

And I really hope that Jodi (Runner Four) will get to live.
She likes knitting, and she’s careful. Her death, I won’t forgive,
But runners do get bitten. There’s a cough and then a moan.
A cure for going gray is alas, a thing unknown.

Chorus

Bridge:
I’m not ready to die—
Hope is in good supply;
On my missions I fly;
We need food on the table.
And I’m Runner Five;
There is no doubt that I’ve
Got the heart and the drive
I run fast, for my Abel.
Faster so zombies won’t chase me down
Running and running for Abel Town.

There are many Runner Fives avoiding zombies while they run,
Many of them geeks like me discovered that it’s fun.
It’s cool to check your numbers, see your route upon the map.
I might be just a little bit addicted to this app.

Chorus plus two lines below
Faster so zombies won’t chase me down
Running and running and running and running for Abel Town!
Track Name: MARCON 2015 7 Goliards
Goliards
Copyright 2013 by Mary Crowell

Carried on legs made from iron and from magic
Fleeing the towns with the flu hemorrhagic
Here we go…., Here we go…… Here we go, goliards.

We are a school and museum and a brain trust
Our world is dying and scholars we fain must
Live like crows, live like crows, live like crows, goliards.

Chorus:
Scholars, Engineers, and Bards,
Wand’ring the remnants and shards
Goliards.
Machines and people working hard.

Gears click and whir as the golems repair it.
Wiring kept safe by the cats and the ferret
Still we slow, still we slow, still we slow, goliards.

Wander the world in a time capsule lonely,
Remember how it was like in the only
World we know, world, we know, world we know, goliards.

Chorus

Musicians sing the perfection to move chains.
Technicians keep people young ‘til rejuv drains
Fail to flow, fail to flow, fail to flow, goliards.

Suit up and teach, then move on to the next town.
We flee from fools with their guns and their gold crowns,
Glowing snow, glowing snow, glowing snow, goliards.

Chorus X2
Track Name: MARCON 2015 8 I Put My Low Stat
I Put My Low Stat
© 2007 by Mary Crowell
I put my low stat in charisma.
‘Don’t have no sex appeal.
I want to play the fighter,
So I can maim and kill.
‘Live like a monk,
‘Cause I’m no hunk.
Baby, what’s the deal?
I put my low stat in charisma.

I put my low stat in my wisdom.
I think I’ll play the thief.
Got a lot of skill points;
They bring me no relief.
I failed my save --
Charm Person’s slave.
Now I’ve come to grief.
I put my low stat in my wisdom.

I put my low stat in -- can’t spell it.
But, I think it means you’re smart.
I rolled up a barbarian,
And he’s a work of art.
Don’t call him ‘clown.’
He’ll hold you down,
And on your head he’ll fart.
I put my low stat in -- can’t spell it.

I put my low stat in dexterity.
I’ll play an armored priest.
When we all roll initiative
I always have the least.
‘Can’t save at all
Against fireball.
Now I am deceased.
I put my low stat in dexterity.

I put my low stat in my strength score,
And I can’t hit a thing.
I thought I might just be okay
If I had magic bling.
No vorpal sword,
And god, I’m bored!
I miss on every swing!
I put my low stat in my strength score.

[Syncopated vamp to prepare]

I put my low stat in constitution.
Now I’m always sad.
I usually go unconscious,
Which makes the cleric mad.
My blood won’t clot;
‘Got mummy rot;
‘ Eyesight’s really bad.
I put my low stat in constitution.

I don’t know where I’ll put my low stat.
It’s only seventeen.
I wonder why the other guys
Have started turning green.
You think they’d be
So glad for me.
Instead they’re really mean!
I don’t know where I’ll put my low stat.

I don’t know where I’ll put my low stat.
‘Think all the rolls were shit.
My dungeon master thinks it’s fun
To irk me just a bit.
“No class will work,”
I told the jerk.
“Well, you could always quit!”
I don’t know where I’ll put my low stat.
[Spoken] I know where YOU can stick that low stat!
Track Name: MARCON 2015 10 Patchwork Cliché
Patchwork Cliché
Copyright 2007 by Mary Crowell

“Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,”
They said that when I was young.
Mine is the body taken today
Cut from the ropes where it hung, it hung.
Cut from the ropes where it hung.

“Why buy the cow if milk is free?”
Her mother would scold her and cry.
She didn’t hear her mother or me.
He stabbed her and left her to die, to die.
He stabbed her and left her to die.

Chorus:
The arms of her killer,
Brain of her lover,
She I’ll remember
And never recover.
I am a patchwork –
Betrayer, betrayed;
Of both the bereaved
And a murderer made.

“Never a woman shall you trust,”
I heard from my Pa as a girl.
I loved her truly. He killed for lust
And took from me my only pearl, pearl.
And took from me my only pearl.

“Dead men are silent. They carry no tales,”
They said as they looked hard at me.
The men and the women in funeral veils.
They wouldn’t believe it was he, was he.
They wouldn’t believe it was he.

Chorus

“In for a penny; in for a pound,”
I told him as I came to call.
He’d left her bleeding, clutching the ground.
I shot him dead by the wall, the wall.
I shot him dead by the wall.

“Tooth for a tooth, and an eye for an eye,”
They said. Then I ate my last meal.
My body just placed in the grave to lie
Was there for the scientist to steal, to steal.
Was there for the scientist to steal.

Chorus

“There is a monster inside everyone,”
They’ve said this. I’ve heard it before.
Fool of a doctor can’t know what he’s done.
The mind and the arms are at war, at war.
The mind and the arms are at war.

“Death is an ending for body and mind,”
I’ve heard, “And the soul -- it departs.”
I and my enemy’s fates intertwined.
The doctor cares naught for my heart, my heart.
The doctor cares naught for my heart.

Chorus
Track Name: MARCON 2015 11 Singalong Chorus
Sing Along Chorus
Copyright 2013 by Mary Crowell


Chorus:
A Sing along chorus
With verses not too long
Is the only hope for us
To get through this song.
We can ‘ooh’ along with verses
And ‘ah’ along with bridges.
That will help us get along
With not too many fidgets.

Verse
I am sitting in a concert
While my backside’s getting sore.
And when this performance ends
The program says there’s seven more.
I’ve been listening quite politely
With my knitting in my lap.
At the end of every singing
I make sure and loudly clap.
But I don’t think I can pretend
That I will still be living at the end.
What can save me?

Chorus

Bridge:
Ah ah ah ah!
You can’t leave this room.
Ah ah ah ah!
Many chairs have blocked you in,
Ah ah ah ah!
It will be your tomb.
Ah ah ah ah!
What can save you?

Chorus

There’s a whispered conversation
And it cannot be ignored.
Some people sat here far too long,
And they have gotten bored.
Since strangulation’s murder,
And prison I would rue.
It would also be too messy;
My guitar strap is brand new.
But I don’t think I can pretend
That they will still be living at the end.
What can save them?

Chorus X2
Track Name: MARCON 2015 12 Jazz & Mai (Raven May Waltz)
Jazz & Mai (Raven May Waltz)
Copyright 2013 by Mary Crowell

A clarinet and an upright bass,
My pretty girl with her borrowed face,
We’re dancing close, and I kiss her hair—smell
Cotton candy ashes—we’re a perfect pair.

I love my Daye—we dance at night,
Close our eyes, and we cuddle tight.
The music swells—we hear the strings.
I’ll hold her close in mid- night wings.

Chorus:
O Love, let’s dance!
We live with hope, so never fear to fly.
Omens are a second chance.
And symbols never die.

Bridge:
We dance ‘til the dawn that destroys all lies,
Dance to our heart’s content- ment.
Pandora plays her music box—Waltz
Round and around in a cir- cle.

Chorus

My barefoot girl in her velvet dress
I fear for her--I must confess
Her amber eyes may close for good.
There are those who’d hurt us—if they could.

My darling raven, come what may.
I’ll love you always—night or day.
Though powers old pull puppet strings
My mem’ries full of little wings.

Chorus [2X]

And symbols never die.
And symbols always lie.
Track Name: Remember Mister (Patreon)
Remember Mister
Copyright 2009 by Mary Crowell

Verse
Remember Mister, when you court her,
It’s getting cold. The days are shorter.
I’m having trouble painting rainbows –
My palette’s gone to gray;
So little left of day,
And Winter’s coming for your vain rose.

[Instrumental Interlude]

Verse
Some people like to blame the season
Ask why their lovers’ hearts are freezin’.
The shadows here are growing stronger.
The artist sees at noon
That night is coming soon.
We’re only here a little longer.

Chorus:
Gather up your rosebuds,
and enjoy your day!
Scatter all the petals behind.
The pinks and blues of summer
will be going away –
They flee the winter, unkind.

Verse
I think I’ll take a little nap here.
I’m waiting for the spring to snap, dear.
It’s just the outlines I’ve been inking
But colors run and fade;
They flee before the shade.
The ruddy sun outside is sinking.

[Instrumental Interlude]

Chorus

Verse
The spring is cruel and not forgiving,
But still she lets me know I’m living.
Remind myself when it is colder
It’s important that we learn
That summer will return
And just as warm when we are older.

Reprise First Verse

Winter’s coming for your vain rose.
Winter’s coming for your vain rose.
Track Name: Zombies in June (Patreon)
Zombies in June
Copyright 2015 by Mary Crowell

Verse One:
I took a little gamble
When the graveyards I would ramble
In the month of June.
(Dooby Doo)
I found it real surprising
When the dead—
they started rising
At the crack of noon.
(Doobity Doo)

The zombies started singing
And the church bells started ringing
‘Cause the end time’s soon.
(Dooby Doo)
Now it’s hot in Alabama
As I groan and moan
and shamble
Sing this little tune.
(Doobity Doo)

Chorus:
Zombies in June
Zombies in June
Maybe disease
Or cold ancient runes
Made us zombies in June
Humming a tune
Singing, “Brains, brains, brains!”

Verse Two:
It’s hot here in this season,
‘Though the evening’s rather pleasin’
In the month of June.
(Dooby Doo)
And it’s really kind of funny
How I miss my tea with honey
At the crack of noon.
(Doobity Doo)

Now we walk around decaying
Though inside I hear them praying
‘Bout the end time’s soon.
(Dooby Doo)
Done with allergies and sneezin’
But there’s still a little wheezing.’
When I sing this tune. (Doobity Doo)

CHORUS

Bridge:
Zombies kill all of us
Make quite a meal of us
Skin they might peel from us.
Just for the thrill of us.
Then, the zombies will sing . . .

CHORUS (Twice)
Track Name: CONFLUENCE 2015 1 City of Doors
City of Doors
© 2007 by Mary Crowell
Come in. Come in!
Come into the City of Doors, of Doors.
Stick around the city; you have time to explore.
You can’t leave by the way you came in.

Come in. Come in!
Come into the City of Doors, of Doors.
Saints rubbin’ shoulders with the lowest of whores.
They can’t leave by the way they came in.

If you crack a door open who knows where you’ll be?
With your best friend or your worst enemy?
Sooner or later you may find your Connect.
It’s in the place that you least expect, so

Come in. Come in!
Come into the City of Doors, of Doors.
Dark angels winkin’ while the beggars implore.
They can’t leave by the way they came in.

[Instrumental]

There’s a little old man a-keeps watch with a drum,
Plays it all day, and he plays with his thumb.
‘Searching; he’s looking for the door to go home.
Now it’s the place he’s content to roam. So,

Come in. Come in!
Come into the City of Doors, of Doors.
You’ve traveled farther than you’ve ever before.
You can’t leave by the way you came in.

[Instrumental]

When the little old man a’
Wandered down here,
‘Found our fine bar, and he
Ordered a beer.
Sang us a song and said his
Name was Bernard.
‘Smiled as he tipped; then he
Gave his card. So,

Come in. Come in!
Come into the City of Doors, of Doors.
You listen close! He’s a master of lore.
He can’t leave by the way he came in.

[First verse Reprise]
Track Name: CONFLUENCE 2015 2 I Put My Low Stat
I Put My Low Stat
© 2007 by Mary Crowell
I put my low stat in charisma.
‘Don’t have no sex appeal.
I want to play the fighter,
So I can maim and kill.
‘Live like a monk,
‘Cause I’m no hunk.
Baby, what’s the deal?
I put my low stat in charisma.

I put my low stat in my wisdom.
I think I’ll play the thief.
Got a lot of skill points;
They bring me no relief.
I failed my save --
Charm Person’s slave.
Now I’ve come to grief.
I put my low stat in my wisdom.

I put my low stat in -- can’t spell it.
But, I think it means you’re smart.
I rolled up a barbarian,
And he’s a work of art.
Don’t call him ‘clown.’
He’ll hold you down,
And on your head he’ll fart.
I put my low stat in -- can’t spell it.

I put my low stat in dexterity.
I’ll play an armored priest.
When we all roll initiative
I always have the least.
‘Can’t save at all
Against fireball.
Now I am deceased.
I put my low stat in dexterity.

I put my low stat in my strength score,
And I can’t hit a thing.
I thought I might just be okay
If I had magic bling.
No vorpal sword,
And god, I’m bored!
I miss on every swing!
I put my low stat in my strength score.

[Syncopated vamp to prepare]

I put my low stat in constitution.
Now I’m always sad.
I usually go unconscious,
Which makes the cleric mad.
My blood won’t clot;
‘Got mummy rot;
‘ Eyesight’s really bad.
I put my low stat in constitution.

I don’t know where I’ll put my low stat.
It’s only seventeen.
I wonder why the other guys
Have started turning green.
You think they’d be
So glad for me.
Instead they’re really mean!
I don’t know where I’ll put my low stat.

I don’t know where I’ll put my low stat.
‘Think all the rolls were shit.
My dungeon master thinks it’s fun
To irk me just a bit.
“No class will work,”
I told the jerk.
“Well, you could always quit!”
I don’t know where I’ll put my low stat.
[Spoken] I know where YOU can stick that low stat!
Track Name: CONFLUENCE 2015 3 Fairest of Them All
Fairest of the Them All
Copyright 2012 by Mary Crowell

You woke me up from a happy ever after.
“Wakey wakey to a true love’s kiss.”
My dreams full of red apples, love, and laughter.”
Why do prizes always end up this?

The rose is red, but the thorns they would protect me,
Their praises always go unsung.
Sleeping safe though outside the briars are bleeding
All alone, but I’m forever young.

Chorus:
Apples, jealousy, and sleep,
Roses, mirrors, and secrets deep.
When I dream, I dream and weep.
I dream I’m the Fairest of them all.

How ‘bout them? Yes, Honey. How about them apples?
Lose the race and then a lioness be.
Golden skin. See the beauty of reflection
Taste it sweetie, immortality.

Chorus

Bridge:
Happy Ever After? Happy Ever After? Then why am I so sad?
Happy Ever After? Happy Ever After? Dammit! Why am I so mad?

And Ev’ry girl is a gleaming, golden goddess.
Every goddess is a lovely mess.
Discord’s prize, Poor ol’ Paris picked the hottest.
Stole his Helen, Aphrodite bless.

Chorus X2

[Then]
I dream I’m the Fairest of them all.
Track Name: CONFLUENCE 2015 4 Courting My Muse
Courting My Muse
Copyright 2003 by Mary Crowell

Verse

There is a tale of a man who got to listen to

Songs of the sirens. He lived through the day.

And I---- I wanna be that man.
There is a tale of a man who got to visit with his

Love down in Hades through the power of his Song.
And I---- I wanna hear that man.

Chorus 1
I cast my rose petals under your shoes.
I’ll serve you sips of the sweetest of juice.
Nothing’s too much when I’m courting my muse
If you’ll sing------ to me.


Verse

I am the sort who would think it worth the danger to lay
Down on the crossroads, to hear the Fairies sing,
And stay---- for a year and a day.

The song's the bait that is always proven Fatal, helps
The man find his mate, or leaves my mind a crazy state
And long----ing for the Sing of that Song.

Chorus 2:
I hear the magic that music imbues
In notes you sing and the rhythm you choose.
I fall in love when I’m court-ing my muse,
When you sing------ to me.

[Instrumental]

Bridge

Euterpe, Calliope,

Thalia, Terpsichore,

Clio, Melpommene,
Erato, and Urania,

Polyhymnia!

And you are number ten.

Oh, play some music! Calm my savage beast! Make it
Roar down the mountain.
‘Wanna live inside the sound!
I love---- the tune that takes me above.
Oh, carry me to a place within my dreams! Make me
Hunger for modal strains—sweet harmonies.
Your song---- brings me to my knees.

Chorus 2

When you sing------ to me.


There is a tale of a man who got to listen to

Songs of the sirens.
He lived through the day.
credits
Track Name: CONFLUENCE 2015 5 Jazz & Mai (Raven May Waltz)
Jazz & Mai (Raven May Waltz)
Copyright 2013 by Mary Crowell

A clarinet and an upright bass,
My pretty girl with her borrowed face,
We’re dancing close, and I kiss her hair—smell
Cotton candy ashes—we’re a perfect pair.

I love my Daye—we dance at night,
Close our eyes, and we cuddle tight.
The music swells—we hear the strings.
I’ll hold her close in mid- night wings.

Chorus:
O Love, let’s dance!
We live with hope, so never fear to fly.
Omens are a second chance.
And symbols never die.

Bridge:
We dance ‘til the dawn that destroys all lies,
Dance to our heart’s content- ment.
Pandora plays her music box—Waltz
Round and around in a cir- cle.

Chorus

My barefoot girl in her velvet dress
I fear for her--I must confess
Her amber eyes may close for good.
There are those who’d hurt us—if they could.

My darling raven, come what may.
I’ll love you always—night or day.
Though powers old pull puppet strings
My mem’ries full of little wings.

Chorus [2X]

And symbols never die.
And symbols always lie.
Track Name: CONFLUENCE 2015 6 Storm of Vengeance
Storm of Vengeance
Copyright 2009 by Mary Crowell

It’s summer time, and the nights are wet.
You know that I do not forget
The promise made to me
By the apple tree.
Pay up, pay up, your debt!

It’s raining now – does his vision dim?
You know that I’m so close to him.
The creek is getting high,
And I never lie.
Get in, get in, and swim.

Chorus:
Woke the spirit up of vengeance
With your angry song,
Promised me a piece of you
With every wrong.
The creek is rising higher
Near the apple tree.
C’mon, c’mon, with me!

They laughed at you and your angry tears.
You bade me silence all their jeers.
Did every wicked task
That you thought to ask.
The time, the time, it nears.

You’re calling me by the Corvo Creek.
You shout three times – it’s me you seek.
You’re begging now in rhyme
For a little time,
Your voice, your voice, it’s weak.

Chorus

Was winter time when you caught his eyes.
He fights me now – your soul to prize.
Your struggles are in vain
‘Gainst the wind and rain
Now choose, so, choose, who dies!

Last summer time you called on me,
Was raining then – you could not see
That trouble always finds
You when your anger blinds.
Pay up, pay up, my fee!

Chorus X2

C’mon, c’mon, with me!
C’mon, c’mon, with me!
Track Name: CONFLUENCE 2015 7 Legolas
Legolas
© 2002 by Mary Crowell.

I like to watch him on the silver screen.
‘Built like I like ‘em, he is long and lean.
Yes, he is, And I am his.
‘Gotta thing for an elf, can’t help myself,
O Legolas!

He’s not a talker, likes to use his bow
To good advantage on his orcish foe.
Yes he does,
And I’m in lust.
I just love pointy-ears, don’t care who hears me,
Legolas!

INTERLUDE
The Ring is s’posed to find ‘em
And in the darkness bind ‘em.
I don’t wanna lie to you.
There’s just one precious thing
that is needing a fling.
It’s Legolas!

I’m just a’ sittin’ here all by myself.
I’m thinking naughty thoughts about this elf.
Yes, I am.
‘Don’t give a damn!
Gotta thing for this shy, tall, elven guy,
O Legolas!

There’s those who argue ‘bout the movie’s plot.
Because of time, the film left out a lot.
Bombadill
is not my thrill.
I’ll just sit here and stare at his long blond hair,
O Legolas!

INTERLUDE
This girl I know likes Strider,
And no. I won’t deride her.
But she can have her Aragorn.
The return of the king, won’t inspire me to sing
Like Legolas!

I like to watch him on the silver screen.
‘Built like I like ‘em, he is long and lean.
Yes, he is,
And I am his.
‘Gotta thing for an elf, can’t help myself,
O Legolas!
credits
from Courting My Muse, released May 7, 2007
Music and Lyrics by Mary Crowell
Copyright 2002 by Mary Crowell
Dedicated to Blair Holley and her crush
Mary CrowellL Vocal and Piano
George Powell: Bass
Greg Robert: Percussion
David Rood: Trumpet
Track Name: CONFLUENCE 2015 8 Goliards
Goliards
Copyright 2013 by Mary Crowell

Carried on legs made from iron and from magic
Fleeing the towns with the flu hemorrhagic
Here we go…., Here we go…… Here we go, goliards.

We are a school and museum and a brain trust
Our world is dying and scholars we fain must
Live like crows, live like crows, live like crows, goliards.

Chorus:
Scholars, Engineers, and Bards,
Wand’ring the remnants and shards
Goliards.
Machines and people working hard.

Gears click and whir as the golems repair it.
Wiring kept safe by the cats and the ferret
Still we slow, still we slow, still we slow, goliards.

Wander the world in a time capsule lonely,
Remember how it was like in the only
World we know, world, we know, world we know, goliards.

Chorus

Musicians sing the perfection to move chains.
Technicians keep people young ‘til rejuv drains
Fail to flow, fail to flow, fail to flow, goliards.

Suit up and teach, then move on to the next town.
We flee from fools with their guns and their gold crowns,
Glowing snow, glowing snow, glowing snow, goliards.

Chorus X2
Track Name: CONFLUENCE 2015 9 Scattering Seeds on the Pomegranate Tour
Scattering Seeds
on the Pomegranate Tour
Copyright 2013 by Mary Crowell

Intro:
Mmm Mmm Peppermint Ladies
Mmm Mmm Peppermint Love!] X2

Verse:
Scattering seeds on the Pomegranate Tour
Niflheim, Hades will love us all for sure
Peppermint Ladies both wicked and demure
All of us dancing and singing our songs, Mmm Peppermint Ladies,
Mmm Mmm Peppermint Love!

Formerly known as Persephone Dear
Flowers won’t keep her, nor mother’s nagging tears.
Peppermint Ladies will buy her time and beers,
All of us dancing and singing our songs, Mmm Peppermint Ladies,
Mmm Mmm Peppermint Love!

Bridge 1:
Gala-te -a has got up and left (got up and left)
Tired of be -ing perfect.
Her Pyg-ma-lion his chisel in hand, Standing bereft.
She's signing all our concerts with ivory hands
On a pedestal, watch her show a tale, sit a spell.
Love, Love, Love, Peppermint.
Peppermint, Peppermint, Peppermint Love!

Verse:
Scattering seeds on the Pomegranate Tour
Muses and mythical entrepreneurs,
Peppermint Ladies, display haute couture
All of us dancing and singing our songs, Mmm Peppermint Ladies,
Mmm Mmm Peppermint Love!

Weaving our costumes Arachne has a loom.
Sweet Ariadne will lure you to your doom.
Peppermint Ladies have trashed their locker room
All of us dancing and singing our songs, Mmm Peppermint Ladies,
Mmm Mmm Peppermint Love!

Bridge 2:
Now Hel is other people on stage (people on stage)
Tired of be -ing normal
People want to go out with a sword, Killed in a rage
If only they could see there’s no victory,
Live it happily. Older people have mystery.
Love, Love, Love, Peppermint.
Peppermint, Peppermint, Peppermint Love!

Verse:
Echo runs sound on the Pomegranate Board,
Mistress of reverb, no longer ignored.
Peppermint Ladies she’s loved and adored
All of us dancing and singing our songs, Mmm Peppermint Ladies,
Mmm Mmm Peppermint Love!

Bridge 3: [Don’t sing. Play instrumental instead.]
Idunn’s come to travel with us (She caught a bus!)
Tired of ne -ver leaving.
Folks at home always keeping her safe, making a fuss.
Her apples are so sweet, and they keep us young.
Praises we have sung; slip a little tongue; she’s among
Love, Love, Love, Peppermint.
Peppermint, Peppermint, Peppermint Love!

Verse:
Scattering seeds on the Pomegranate Tour
Niflheim Hades will love us all for sure
Peppermint La-dies both wicked and demure
All of us dancing and singing our songs, Mmm Peppermint Ladies,
Mmm Mmm Peppermint Love!

Outro:
Mmm Mmm Peppermint Ladies
Mmm Mmm Peppermint Love!] X2
Track Name: CONFLUENCE 2015 10 When I Grow Up (The Jessica Rabbit Song)
When I Grow Up (The Jessica Rabbit Song)
© 2001 by Mary Crowell.

VERSE
When I grow up
I wanna be
The girl in a sequined gown
With a bunny rabbit married to me.

VERSE
I know you think
I’m just a loon,
But she’s got great sex appeal --
That hair, those gams, that toon.

CHORUS
She’s not bad; they just draw her that way
Posing and pouting her lips.
She’s peeking out from under her Veronica Lake,
Gloved hands resting on hips.

VERSE
She loves her spouse,
Her bunny half.
He loves her a thousand ways,
But his favorite one is making her laugh.

VERSE
She’ll use rough means
To save her man.
When he heads into danger,
She whacks him in the brain with a pan.

CHORUS

VERSE
The private Dick
Thought she was vile,
But 'though he caught her playing patty cake
He couldn’t help but admire her style.

VERSE
Her heart is gold
(Looks like a jade.)
Even then if you asked around,
Roger Rabbit has got it made.

CHORUS

VERSE
When I grow up
I wanna be
The girl in a sequined gown
With a bunny rabbit married to me.
Track Name: Syncopated Clementi (Patreon)
Sonatina in C major, Op. 36, No.1 by Muzio Clementi
Track Name: Knitting with Twitter (Patreon)
Knitting with Twitter (Abridged)

Copyright 2015 by Mary Crowell

The month is September—
It’s time to get sick.
I’ll start a new project.
Which yarn shall I pick?
The self-striping wool
That has given me troubles?
Or cotton for dishtowels
The colors of bubbles?

Chorus:
Knitting with twitter
For this sickly Lady-O
With banjo and fiddle
On Pandora Radio
The ping of my favorites
Sings out from my phone.
I’m knitting with Twitter.
I’m never alone.

I wish to be running
Or recording a song,
But sacked out in bed
Is the place I belong.
Circular needles
And jammies for me—
My raspy throat
Is demanding its tea.

Chorus:
Knitting with twitter
For this sickly Lady-O
With banjo and fiddle
On Pandora Radio
The ping of my favorites
Sings out from my phone.
I’m knitting with Twitter.
I’m never alone.

Bridge:
Twitter for rest breaks
Tweet between rows
Politics, Art or you
Whine about printer woes
Kickstart an Album,
Announce all your shows
Knitting with twitter
Means my eyes will close,
And I’ll sleep . . .
So that I will get better.

Chorus:
Knitting with twitter
For this sickly Lady-O
With banjo and fiddle
On Pandora Radio
The ping of my favorites
Sings out from my phone.
I’m knitting with Twitter.
I’m never alone.

The sock’s almost finished;
I’m reducing a row.
The heel turned out pretty,
And now for the toe.
I’m so tired of sleeping;
I’ve rested my fill.
The soup’s getting
tiresome,
But I might be less ill.

Chorus:
Knitting with twitter
For this sickly Lady-O
With banjo and fiddle
On Pandora Radio
The ping of my favorites
Sings out from my phone.
I’m knitting with Twitter.
I’m never alone.
Track Name: Brooke's Construction Paper D&D (Patreon)
Brooke’s Construction Paper D&D
Copyright 2016 by Mary Crowell


Verse One
C’mon get together
Find an empty table.
Gather at conventions.
When our schedules say we’re able.
OSHA Standards DISCO
Turns out to be no fable.
Construction paper D and D.

Verse Two:
Vixy’s cleric’s postal.
Simon’s Chef will bellow [KHAN!!!]
Tasha’s elf likes no one;
Napromancer’s feeling mellow.
Valolwyn has treasure
Darkly’s a private fellow.
Construction paper D and D.

Bridge:
Ask Greg and Miss Honeybee
Construction Paper D and D
You will roll all your dice
Most of you die
Some will have pie
Sometimes I lie ‘bout.

Chorus:
Construction Paper D and D (Construction)
You know that it will prob’ly be (Your destruction)
Construction Paper D and D (Construction)
You know that it will prob’ly be (Your destruction)


Verse Three:
Bring dice and some pencils--
Plus a sense of humor.
Alligator costume?
No that’s, just some bunny’s rumor
Hail Pie Wizard’s lasers!
Some may just meet their doom here.
Construction paper D and D.

Chorus X2

[Descant during end choruses]
Whoa Oh Oh Oh!
Corn golems don’t walk too slow.
Whoa Oh Oh Oh!
Seanan plays He Who Walks Behind Rows.
Whoa Yay Eee Yay!
Brooke’s gonna get you anyway.
We’re playing D&D;
Ask Greg and Miss Honey Bee!
Track Name: Uffington (Patreon)
Uffington
Copyright 2016 by Mary Crowell

The white drone skirls high a-bove Uf-fing-ton sheep
And a sta-tue, a sha-dow, a man.
We've ad-ded our prints to the sheep's in the chalk;
(We're) step-ping with care as we can.

CHORUS:
Oh the crows will keep a choir
While they're cir-cl-ing the wind,
Fly me-lis-mas of black a-gainst blue.
Lose all that I say in a scarf green and gray
As I stop to take pic-tures of you.

It’s cold on the hill with the Uffington Horse And the sheep there are shying away.
We let ourselves in; set the gate down again The wind drowning all that we say.

CHORUS

The wind pushes the drone above Uffington’s Horse As the man gets his focus just right.
His view from above is the one that we love,
His camera, a bird on its flight.

CHORUS

The Uf-fing-ton Horse curves be-low us ab-stract; It’s a swash and a thought of a canter.
We’ve seen it today; then our car drove away And the crows fill the skies with their banter.
CHORUS
Track Name: Skydiving Naked (Patreon)
Skydiving Naked
(What a Way to Go)
Copyright 2016 by Mary Crowell
Written for Soulwriters2 April prompt

Sky diving naked
Eating lemon cream and fudge,
I swim over through the air
To give you just a nudge
Because you’re texting again
After complaining that you are bored.
Just a couple seconds more
It’ll be time to pull the cord.
What a way to go!
What a way to go!
What a way to go!
What a way to go!

We're rock climbing sideways
While below us zombies moan.
Just laughing to myself—
Stopped paying on your loan.
I've heard you texting again,
After complaining that you are bored.
Just a couple seconds more
Guido and Spike won't be ignored.
What a way to go!
What a way to go!
What a way to go!
What a way to go!


Bridge:
We try to spend time together,
But I can't seem to catch your eye.
You're playing games, or you're checking the weather,
I watch you searching on your phone for new apps to buy.

Out dancing tangos
In a treetop with some apes.
Their arms are strong enough
To crush our skulls like grapes.
Somehow you're texting again
After complaining that you are bored.
Just a couple seconds more
Kiki will show you you're adored.
What a way to go!
What a way to go!
What a way to go!
What a way to go!